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Mmmmmm..... Creamy pumpkin soup, with chilli and REAL maple syrup (brought to me from eastern Canada by my outstanding son- in- law). It is interesting how my relationship with food changes, shifting gears from time to time, and then coming to a complete stop- Only to be resurrected again in a new disguise. 
A relationship with food? Many, or even most, people might find the idea of a relationship with food to be nonsensical. They (maybe you), might find themselves wondering what a relationship with food entails- isn't food for eating?
It's not that simple when you have lived the majority of your life using food as a hiding place, avoiding the painful 'now', and the scary past by focusing on food, or NOT food. 
And I find myself still hiding. Even as I unfold such deep and satisfying parts of my life, such as the work I am currently engaged with, other pieces of my life go underground for a time, and reappear, pulling with them strands of past lives that I would sooner not look at right now. The sometimes shaky present has its inception in the past. My core beliefs about myself, that I can't change, were grown into my structure, infusing my very psychology with faulty on/ off switches. They govern my responses to the world around me. 
I can't undo that hardwiring. What I CAN do is forge new neuro- pathways through creativity and life- long learning. This is more like diverting the information to a new feed, with more grounded switches. I continue to learn the ways to slow down my response- enough so that I can include the new information that may mediate my behaviour. 
Pumpkin soup- It matters. I feel so much more comfortable when I can spend time in the kitchen creating nourishment, for family, for friends, and EVEN myself. The pumpkin soup is almost exclusively for me, so the steps I took in its creation are loving ways of nurturing myself. That doesn't come easily to me. Nor is it a simple task to remind myself that I am worthy, too, of warmth and nourishment. 


It has been a long time since I last sat down to write- a lot of living has gone on in my life since then: I have lovingly deepened my 'grandma- hood', grown flowers, seen another incredible sunrise at the top of Haleakala, Maui, watched my daughter blossom with a babe in arms, walked the seawall with my oldest son, watched my youngest compete with fierce intensity, started my work at a new job as yoga teacher and art therapist, and of course, continued my own exploration of where my past meets present through art. 
I started with my discussion about pumpkin soup and my relationship with food because it was just 'there/ here' for me. I sat down immediately after having a small bowl of soup for lunch. I knew it was time to just start writing, and I could pull the pieces together after. I have created pockets of comfort and grace.
Now, the deep underbelly of living fully demands that I scratch a bit, or maybe massage, so that growth and blossoming can continue. 

And now I will do my best to pull the pieces together.

Some of the pieces you see were created as my expression/ response to the individuals I work with, others (resist painting) were the exploration of my own sense of stuck- ness. What I notice is the way my art, family, and life flow. There is a sense of peace- filled movement that feels so 'right' and necessary after a year of doubt and turmoil.
"A moment of peace is worth every war behind us." 
                                                          - Indigo Girls
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Sometimes it seems the world has tried to make me hard- with a vengeance. 
My response is to continue to be as loving, compassionate and fully present to myself and to others as I can be. 
The pockets of warmth and grace that exist in my life, sustain me. I understand that I create those moments through hard work infused with every compassionate thought I can muster. 
On bleak days I reach out for love and support- and sometimes I make soup.




A long, cold winter looms, and I won't be able to grow flowers. I promise myself, 'out loud', that I will paint flowers when I can't grow them, cook with an eye to nurturing myself as well as others, and cuddle that gorgeous granddaughter of mine whenever I can. 

My life- long work of staying on the healing path, is unfolding now into the life- loving work of sharing, teaching, giving and creating. It is a full time job- loving and being present to what is, and I believe that we are worth it...
I am worth it!
namaste

 


Comments

Charlotte
10/21/2014 8:41pm

I am continually amazed at your ability to give so much to others. It made me smile to read that you are also nourishing and giving to yourself.

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02/22/2017 12:16pm

Relationship in food? What does it mean? Well in here she explained the answer to this question. The relationship in food is simply the way you appreciate the food. Most of us are stress eaters and I admit it. Most of us eat our favorite foods in order to forget for the meantime our problems. Others may cook for their own because they can also release their problems by cooking for themselves. In here, she also tell that food is not the only outlet of releasing problems, you can also release it by doing your hobbies like painting or planting flowers. Well it depends to us on how we release it but always remember that there is always a solution to a problem.

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Yona
10/22/2014 4:06am

:

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Cheryl Guthrie
10/24/2014 9:44am

My friend Yona, you truly are a soft warrior. Always know that you are loved and you are needed. You really do have a soft soul and I love that you are so determined to nourish your softness.

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02/26/2016 10:44am

The blossom is an immaculate and delightful production of Nature. It is offered to Gods and exhibited to the dear and close ones, in light of its excellence and virtue. It might be of various sizes, species, shading and shapes. It develops on sensitive plants.

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05/16/2016 3:55am

Healthy food have great effect on human health, the numerous peoples are eat only vegetables which is quite good that thing make them energetic and healthy as well. By eating vegetables the bones will be strong for long life.

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07/16/2016 2:51am

Pumpkin soup has just helped you jade designs protection, prevent cardiovascular diseases effectively. An outstanding characteristic of the pumpkin is laxative, b. low heat should be low fat area. At the same time fiber in pumpkin also prevent the running of cholestrol and fat not for these components to penetrate into the blood. Prevent the intrusion of cholestrol success meant that effectively manage the growth of weight. Composition the beta-carotene of pumpkin helps glucoz amount dispersed out of the bloodstream, from which aid for people with diabetes. Only with the effects on, the dishes are made from pumpkin is one of those dishes that fit in with the people who are in the process of losing weight.

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10/11/2016 8:18am

My favorite song - A moment of peace by Era. They new how to create a strong and calm songs.

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01/08/2017 5:11am

Healthy food have great effect on human health, the numerous peoples are eat only vegetables which is quite good that thing make them energetic and healthy as well. It is very cool to be healthy.

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Hurrah, that is the thing that I was looking at for, what a stuff! existing here at this online journal, thanks director of this site.

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